What Is BPD Splitting?
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) splitting is a mental health challenge describing an unconscious defence mechanism to manage difficult situations or switch blame and responsibility to others. Splitting behaviour is extreme, interfering with a person’s relationships and sense of well-being.
Splitting behaviours often go between two extremes:
Idealisation (when a person exaggeratedly emphasises the positive qualities of another person or situation)
Devaluation (when a person exaggeratedly emphasises the negative qualities of someone or something)
For example, a person with BPD splitting behaviours may see their partner or a friend as the ‘worst person in the world’ one day and the ‘best partner or friend ever’ the next. Another example of BPD splitting is when a child receives a low grade at school; they often blame the teacher instead of realising that they need to come more prepared for the exam.
Sometimes, splitting can be easily noticeable. In other cases, such as with quiet borderline personality disorder (BPD), the splitting behaviours can be completely internal and silent. Below, read more about the signs of BPD splitting and how to recognise if you or a loved one are coping with this affective dysregulation.
What is Splitting Behaviour?
Splitting behaviour is a psychological defense mechanism often associated with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), but it can also be observed in other mental health conditions. Splitting involves perceiving things in extreme terms, viewing them as good or bad, with little recognition of any middle ground. Forming and sustaining meaningful relationships can be challenging for people living with BPD, as they may find it difficult to trust others and might respond impulsively to perceived threats or slights.
Splitting may be a deeply embedded defence mechanism, but people can acquire skills to reduce its impact. Therapeutic approaches like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Mentalisation-Based Treatment (MBT) have proven effective in supporting people with BPD, enabling them to build healthier coping methods and enhance emotional regulation.
⇒ Read more about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) vs Autism.
Symptoms of BPD Splitting Behaviors
BPD splitting involves intense shifts in perceptions and emotions. People may quickly alternate between idealising and devaluing people, situations, and themselves. This can lead to unstable relationships, rapid mood swings, impulsive behaviour, and difficulty tolerating ambiguity. These extreme shifts in thinking can cause emotional distress and challenges in maintaining balanced perspectives.
These are the most common characteristics of BPD splitting behavior:
Positive Splitting:
- Viewing someone as perfect, flawless, and the answer to all problems
- Believing a new acquaintance is your soulmate after only a brief interaction
- Seeing a friend as amazing and wonderful, attributing all positive qualities to them while ignoring any potential flaws
Negative Splitting:
- Suddenly believing that someone you previously idealised is now entirely bad or evil
- Feeling intense anger and hostility towards a friend or partner due to a minor disagreement
- Going from extreme admiration to extreme hatred in a short span of time
Unstable Relationships:
- Rapidly cycling between intense love and intense hatred within a single relationship
- Breaking up with a friend or partner over a minor disagreement, only to want them back moments later
Impulsive Behaviour:
- Engaging in impulsive actions, such as spending excessively, substance abuse, or risky sexual behaviour, based on the current emotional state
- Quitting a job or dropping out of school without considering the long-term consequences, driven by extreme emotional reactions
Fear of Abandonment
- Having an intense fear of being abandoned or rejected by others
- Feeling extreme panic or despair when a friend or partner spends time with someone else
Difficulty with Ambiguity:
- Struggling to see the middle ground in situations and instead viewing them as either entirely positive or entirely negative
- Feeling extreme panic or despair when a friend or partner spends time with someone else
How Long Does BPD Splitting Last?
The duration of borderline personality disorder splitting can vary in different people and situations. Splitting episodes can be brief and intense, lasting only a few minutes or hours, or they can persist for more extended periods. The length of a splitting episode often depends on factors such as the person’s emotional regulation skills, the episode’s triggers, and the situation in general.
Some people with borderline personality disorder may experience frequent and rapid shifts between idealisation and devaluation in their relationships and self-perception, leading to short-lived splitting episodes. Others might have more persistent patterns of splitting that can last for days, weeks, or even longer, particularly if they face ongoing triggers or challenges.
What Causes Splitting?
The duration of borderline personality disorder splitting can vary in different people and situations. Splitting episodes can be brief and intense, lasting only a few minutes or hours, or they can persist for more extended periods. The length of a splitting episode often depends on factors such as the person’s emotional regulation skills, the episode’s triggers, and the situation in general.
Some people with borderline personality disorder may experience frequent and rapid shifts between idealisation and devaluation in their relationships and self-perception, leading to short-lived splitting episodes. Others might have more persistent patterns of splitting that can last for days, weeks, or even longer, particularly if they face ongoing triggers or challenges.
Medical experts do not fully understand the causes of splitting behaviour, but evidence indicates several potential risk factors, including:
- Stress, trauma or abuse in childhood
- Invalidating environment in early childhood
- Family history
While the exact cause of splitting behaviours is unknown, experts suggest it could also be a way of managing conflicting emotions.
Quiet BPD Splitting
Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) refers to a form of BPD in which people internalise their characteristics rather than express them outwardly. This inward focus often makes the condition more challenging to recognise and diagnose, as the usual external signs, like angry outbursts, are less visible.
Characteristics of Quiet BPD Splitting:
Internalised emotional episodes
Black-and-white thinking
Fear of abandonment and rejection
Though there is no dedicated treatment solely for quiet BPD, psychotherapy—especially Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) and Radically Open Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (RO-DBT)—can prove effective in managing its signs. These therapies work by helping people improve their emotional regulation, strengthen social connections, and lessen self-destructive behaviours.
People with quiet BPD may find that coping strategies, including journaling, practising mindfulness, and engaging in self-soothing activities, encourage them to manage their emotions. Additionally, building a strong support network and maintaining healthy lifestyle habits, such as regular exercise and a balanced diet, can be beneficial for managing the disorder.
Impact on Relationships
BPD splitting can have a significant impact on relationships, both romantic and non-romantic. The extreme and rapidly shifting views of people and situations that come with splitting can create challenges and difficulties in maintaining stable and healthy connections.
These are some of the ways in which BPD splitting can impact relationships:
- Unstable Relationships: The constant shifts in perception can lead to tumultuous relationships. Friends, family members, and partners might find it difficult to predict the reactions and behaviours of the person with borderline personality disorder, leading to instability and emotional turmoil.
- Communication Difficulties: Effective communication is often hindered by splitting. A person with BPD might struggle to express their emotions and concerns in a balanced manner, swinging between extremes of affection and anger. This can make it challenging for the other person to understand and respond appropriately.
- Emotional Exhaustion: Loved ones of people with BPD may experience emotional exhaustion due to the unpredictable nature of splitting episodes. The constant need to reassure or defend themselves against sudden negative judgments can affect their well-being.
- Breakups and Reconciliations: Romantic relationships can be particularly affected, with rapid shifts between idealisation and devaluation leading to frequent breakups and reconciliations. This pattern can be emotionally exhausting for both parties.
- Impact on Self-Esteem: Being constantly subjected to idealisation and devaluation can negatively impact self-esteem. They may start questioning their worth and identity and developing self-image issues.
- Isolation: People close to someone with BPD splitting may withdraw or distance themselves to protect their own emotional well-being. This can contribute to feelings of loneliness and isolation for the person with BPD.
Splitting in borderline personality disorder often reflects intense emotional pain and requires understanding, acceptance and compassion. For people experiencing BPD splitting, creating a nurturing and caring environment plays a key role in the treatment and recovery process.
Treatment
As a mental health challenge, BPD splitting requires detailed and multi-faceted assessment by a mental health professional. The evaluation involves several aspects of the person’s life, including family and social interactions, genetics, or history of childhood stress and trauma.
The treatment plan for BPD splitting often includes regular psychotherapy sessions and sometimes medications. In some cases, people with BPD-splitting behaviours may need home care and assistance to overcome the emotional challenges.
The most common types of treatment for BPD splitting include:
- Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT): DBT is considered one of the most effective treatments for BPD, also known as 'talk therapy' It supports people learn skills to manage intense emotions, regulate mood, reduce impulsive behaviours, and improve interpersonal relationships. Mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness are key components of DBT.
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): CBT can encourage people to identify and challenge the distorted thought patterns contributing to splitting. By working on changing negative thought patterns, individuals can develop a more balanced view of themselves and others.
- Schema-Focused Therapy: This therapy addresses deep-seated negative beliefs and patterns contributing to BPD symptoms. It focuses on identifying and changing underlying schemas or core beliefs that drive splitting behaviours.
- Transference-Focused Psychotherapy: In this model, the medical professional uses the relationship with the person to identify and reshape emotional and behavioural challenges.
Establishing healthy boundaries and cultivating patience is essential, alongside encouraging mindfulness practices and recognising small achievements.
Preventing Splitting Behaviour
While it is a behaviour of concern to manage, there are strategies and therapeutic approaches that can help prevent or mitigate its effects. A useful way to avoid splitting is to broaden one’s perspective by reflecting on various characteristics and fostering empathy. This approach encourages recognising that people and situations are intricate, resisting the tendency to classify them into stark categories. People can view the world more nuanced and balanced by developing a deeper understanding and empathy for others.
Managing splitting behaviour effectively requires developing strong coping mechanisms. Practising mindfulness, grounding techniques, and deep breathing exercises can be especially helpful for calming intense emotions and preventing extreme reactions. By staying present through these techniques, people can reduce the tendency to engage in splitting and keep overwhelming feelings in check.
Coping Strategies
Coping strategies can be helpful for people with borderline personality disorder to manage the challenges associated with splitting.
These are coping techniques that can assist in navigating emotions and fostering more stable relationships:
Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness methods, such as deep breathing, meditation, and grounding exercises, can help people stay present in the moment and reduce impulsive reactions triggered by splitting.
Emotion Regulation Skills: Learning to identify and label emotions and understanding the triggers behind intense emotional responses can empower people to regulate their emotions more effectively.
Opposite Action: When intense emotions arise, engaging in behaviours opposite to the emotional urge can be very helpful. For example, if you feel like withdrawing due to anger, try engaging with others or participating in an activity instead.
Check the Facts: Challenge black-and-white thinking by critically evaluating your thoughts. Ask yourself whether your extreme judgments are based on concrete evidence or whether there might be alternative perspectives.
Interpersonal Effectiveness: Try learning communication skills to express your needs, set boundaries, and resolve conflicts in a balanced and respectful manner. This can help reduce misunderstandings and improve relationships.
Distress Tolerance Techniques: Many tolerance techniques can help you cope with distressing situations without resorting to impulsive actions. Techniques like distraction, self-soothing, and self-care can be valuable.
Keep a Diary: Write down your thoughts and feelings when you experience shifts in perception. Reflecting on your emotions later can provide insights into patterns and triggers.
Seeking Support: Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist when struggling with splitting tendencies. A support system can provide perspective and help you avoid impulsive decisions.
Healthy Boundaries: Set clear and healthy boundaries in your relationships to prevent extreme idealisation or devaluation. This can create a more stable foundation for connections.
Pause and Reflect: Before reacting impulsively to a situation, take a moment to pause and reflect. Think of the potential effect of your actions and whether your reaction aligns with your long-term goals.
Professional Help: Consider consulting a mental health professional, such as a therapist experienced in treating borderline personality disorder, to learn and implement coping strategies tailored to your specific challenges.
Mastering these coping strategies takes time and practice. Be patient with yourself and acknowledge your progress along the way. If you’re struggling with BPD splitting, seeking professional guidance is essential to develop a comprehensive and effective coping plan.
BPD Support With Leaf Complex Care
People with borderline personality disorder turn to Leaf Complex Care due to our professional, person-centred, and humanised support. At Leaf Complex Care, we provide holistic support to people with multiple needs, putting a person’s emotional and personal needs at the centre of our focus.
We embrace and respect people’s differences and challenges, striving to foster self-awareness and self-reliance by identifying and nurturing people’s skills, strengths and talents. Our support workers are ready to develop a person-centred care plan tailored to your needs and preferences.
With offices in Bristol, South East, Birmingham, and Somerset, we are here to support you in the most challenging times of your lives.
Contact us now for more information.
